I Get Knocked Down, Then I Get Up Again - With A Sore Throat

I know, I know. I'm a harsh mistress. 'Do This,' I command. 'Try That' and so on. And how do I reward you for obeying my every whim? Neglect! Ridicule! Callousness and Sarcasm! But seriously, my pets, don't protest so. It's unseemly. You've presumed too much, as if I didn't have it all in hand, well controlled. Whatever happened to discipline, eh? Naughty lungs must needs be punished...

And, if you've been smoking the Second Experiment's kreteks, as I have, those lungs would be thoroughly beaten. Now, the second experiment attempted to fix some problems that arose from the First Experiment, namely, that the tobacco and clove preparation both proved too moist, and were unsmokable. So, we fixed this problem by using a dryer tobacco, and a dryer clove preparation, never thinking that we might have fixed it too much.

At first, the second round of cigarettes were very enjoyable, easy to smoke, well-flavoured, and with the crackling we all know and love so dearly. The only problem I initially found was that some of the chunks of clove -- which in this preparation we crushed roughly in a mortar and pestle-- were too large, so that some puffs were extra super clove-y. A problem that not only is not a problem for some folks, but that is easily solved by expending a bit more effort with the next batch's clove-crushing. 'Not bad,' I thought to myself, and I baked a congratulatory pie.

This love affair, as so many do, lasted all of two days, whereupon the skies turned grey and all joy was for nought.

I awoke, one morning, with a scratchy, dry throat, which progressed as I smoked more of those delicious death-sticks, until my melodious voice was somehow switched out for a hoarse rasp. I refused to blame the cigarettes, though they certainly irritated my brittle carbon-coated bronchii, instead attributing the cause to the rain, or the unseasonable cool evenings. But alas, a discrepancy; there hasn't been any rain, and I haven't been out in the fresh and cool since early spring.

So, this second batch was just as bad as the first, though more insidious and deceitful in its awfulness. Well, perhaps not as bad, since these I was actually able to smoke, instead of sucking and sucking and receiving nothing.

I shall leave you with that, my dears, until next time, when I shall once again let you partake of the cup of knowledge, for the insignificant fee of undying allegiance and a lifetime of minion-hood...