Cigarette filter tubes, 200 ct ($5.99), a Rizla cigarette making machine ($4.99), Bali Shag (Golden Shag blend) tobacco ($7.99), ground-up cloves ($0.79), and flavored rolling papers ($1.50), any and all of which can easily be found at any Tobacconist's for similar prices. Well, except the cloves, but you can get those at any supermarket. Now, since I know some of you out there like the regular, non-fruity kreteks, I'll give myself extra work and quest not only for the perfect Cherry Clove, but also for the elusive Perfect Regular Ol' Clove. I feel that's pretty fair, and if you don't agree then something is terribly wrong with you. The plan, as far as I've planned it, is to make tobacco and cloves somehow become 'in' the filtered cigarette tubes, for the basic kreteks, then to wrap the cherry-flavored papers around one, making it a cherry-flavoured smoke-able clove delight-stick! Yes, I also am fully aware that some of you have never rolled your own anything, ever, so I'll go slow. Each step will be explained as though you were Wee Bairns. Wee Smoking Bairns!
So! First things first, the cloves. I actually just got a small package of whole cloves from the local supermarket, forgot that I was chronicling everything with my camera, and ground 'em up in my tiny blender until they were as finely chopped as possible, which, as you can see because I finally remembered to take pictures, is pretty fuckin' fine. Now, one thing you have to realize, the cloves are not powdery, they're more like brown sugar -- that slightly moist, sticky consistency. The aroma, also, is so heavenly, and unbelievably strong, that I defenestrated Wiki's suggestion of 1:3 clove:tobacco, and went, instead, with a handful of tobacco and about half a teaspoon of ground cloves.
The Bali Shag itself, which I picked from my days of hand-rolling, is a sweet smelling tobacco, golden brown, slightly moist. It's not overpowering, nor is it harsh, though it does have quite a bit of flavour.
Now comes the tricky part, right? Wrong! Well, actually, sort-of right. There is an element of trickiness, but trust me, and ye'll be fine. The machine is quite easy to use once you've the feel of the thing. Open, there is quite an obvious compartment in which to put the tobacco. When you close it, the top packs the tobacco
into a cylindrical form, holds onto the cigarette tube, and slides over, pulling the tube over the packed tobacco. You have to push it back to the starting position in order to release the cigarette, since the top hooks into grooves that prevent unexpected opening when the tobacco is getting pushed through.The next bit is the 'tricky part,' primarily because, for best results, you will need to slog through a period of trial and error. Packing the cigarette properly makes all the difference, too loosely packed and your cigarette will burn fast
and harsh, too tight and your machine won't be able to push the tobacco into the filter tube. If you fill the compartment to about the level shown at left, you ought to be fine, but also mind that a different kind of tobacco
might pack differently. At any rate, the packed end product ought to look like the photo at right, be slightly springy to the touch, and have an even density through the length of the cigarette.Next, you have to place the filter tube onto the machine. The tube is actually very fragile (It's a hollow cylinder made of fucking paper), so it's VERY IMPORTANT to be gentle with it. If it
crinkles slightly, do your best to straighten it out
. If you crush it with your ham-like hand, you big klutz, you're fucked. Same deal if you rip it. Only solution at that point, so it's not a total waste, is to save the filter ends for future experiments. Don't freak out, though, I had to go through five of the fuckers before I got my system down to minimize tube-crumblage. I found that holding it only by the filter and slowly twisting it onto the white attachment (see photos at right) causes the least stress on the paper. Then you just close and slide, and you've got a clove cigarette!
At this point I made several more the same way, and separated a few to try the flavoring-by-paper idea. The flavoured papers are silly looking things. This particular kind is
cherry-flavoured, so there are giant technicolor cartoon cherries on the papers themselves. Which automatically shouts "I GOT WEED" to any cop within view, but also causes an amusing half-hour to ensue, unless of course you actually do 'got weed,' in which case you're screwed, what the hell were you thinking advertising it so blatantly, you idiot. Buuuut, I digress. Papers. Right. Put the paper cherry-
side-down, with the gum up and farthest from you. Align the finished kretek with the edge closest to you, and roll it up. Keep the paper rolled snugly to the cigarette, else you'll find yourself holding a tube of flavoured paper, with your cigarette on the floor at your feet. Once the rolling has been satisfactorily done, lick the gummed edge and smooth it down. Again, this is something you'll get the hang of once you do it a few times, because if you lick the gum too much you'll lick it completely off, and the paper won't stick to itself, but if you don't lick it enough it won't be moist enough to be sticky. Better not enough than too much, though, since you can always lick more, but it's hard to lick less. Unless you have a time machine. In which case, call me. I mean, if you've succeeded, congratulations! If you've failed, Shame On You. 
Now, I'm off to make a couple packs' worth of these guys, and shall smoke nothing but these for a night and a day. So stay tuned, kiddies, Reviews are Forthcoming!
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